Dear Febreze - What does Meadows and Rain Smell Like?

What the hell does cranberry and frost smell like? Or vanilla and moonlight? I’m not interested in how an air freshener borrows from Pocahontas to transport me into a whole new state of being. How does a fragrance, or anything else for that matter deliver on the expectation of altering our physical interpretation of reality? Particularly when I need it to remove dog odour, not promise me a voyage through 'blossom and breeze'.

I rejoiced in seeing modern marketing attempt to proliferate the consumer from ad noise, promising instead a great experience that transcended the norm of gulp-n-blow product consumables. Honest, accountable messaging that focused on results driven products. 'Use it and get this'. This filled me with a new found joy, like being reintroduced into the wilderness after years of caged ad existence. 

It didn’t take long to revert though. For the beasts to turn, marginalizing the actual product to promise to a manifestation of ad hype. Companies like Febreze crawled out from under the rocks and bridges, dangling candy in front of a non-de-script white panel van. The undeliverable statements that work only to make us buy.

I think that if Febreze really wants to capitalize on delivering emotional, transcending experiences through scents, perhaps they should broaden their range. 

Some of my suggestions:

  • Plastic flowers and sunburn
  • Sub-par steak and restaurant drama
  • Back alley rain and crowbars
  • Cold death and wood chips

What are some funny Febreze examples you can think of?